The End

    Everything happened so fast. One day we were told he had cancer. The next week we were told he had liver and kidney failure and had about a month. The next day we were told he has 2 weeks. Then we were told he had 2 days then we were told he had hours. In a matter of 3 days my grandpa went from having 2 -4 weeks, to hours to live.
    I was planning to go see him since he was coming home. I talked with my cousin and she said to go to his house when I got into town and they would all meet me over there. As I was driving up there I received a phone call from my cousin saying "Just come to hospital, okay? Come to the hospital first." It was at that point that I started freaking out. For the first time everything hit. Everything became real.
   I walked into the hospital with no idea where to go. I asked what room he was in and a nurse took me up. My uncle was coming out to the elevator and he looks at me and says "They will prep you before you go in." I couldn't move. It was hard to breathe. WHAT was going on?!? I found my cousin and she grabs me into this big hug and says "That's not grandpa in there. It's not him." I took a deep breath and I walked into the room.
   I tried to hold back the tears as my aunt said "Dad, Samantha is here to see you." and all grandpa could do was move his head a little and give a moan of a hi. Jessy was right, it wasn't grandpa. Jessy, Jenny, aunt Donna and I stood there with grandpa for a little bit. Grandpa feel asleep so us cousins left the room and I called my dad. I was bawling. How was I suppose to tell  him that this was start of the end? That he needed to get up here right away if he wanted to say goodbye to his dad? Dad left work and got up there as soon they could. It felt like forever before they finally got there. I wasn't alone, but it certainly felt like I was.
  The day came and went. It was a long one. We spent the night in the hospital with grandpa, no one wanted to leave him alone. It was a rough night of sleep. Grandpa scared us many times, so many times we thought he was letting go. He made it through the night, slowly becoming less responsive. So, here we are at Thursday morning.  No one has slept well for days and no one slept the night before. We were all exhausted. Exhausted emotionally, exhausted physically, exhausted mentally. Just all around exhausted. The doctor grandpa has had for 18 years came in and checked on him, let him know that he came to visit. hospice came in and checked his vitals.
   My aunt requested a minute alone with grandpa. She called us all back in the room, and grandpa took his last breath. He took it with all 6 of his children around him. Every one of them made it to see him. He knew they were there. Grandpa died comfortably, very comfortably. I held my aunt as cried. We all held each other as we all cried.
   Now, we await for the funeral. Monday and Tuesday will be hard, real hard. However, family will all be together. Cousins coming in from out of state, all 6 of grandpa's kids will still be there. We will all be together. Just as grandpa always liked it. Everyone all together. Grandpa is now with his wife and 2 other children. He is out of pain and rejoicing with the Lord.

We will miss you grandpa. You will never be forgotten. We have always loved you and always will love you.

I Love You, Grandpa

            As I heard the news that my grandfather's life is coming to an end, I froze. I had no idea what to do or say. We all expected to him to live to be at least 100, and now, in my mind, his life is ending at least 7 years too soon. Every time I think about it, I bawl like a toddler who just got their toy taken away. When I look around and see that every one else is continuing on with their lives, I can't help but want to scream at them. Don't they know what is going on?! Don't they know that tragedy has struck?! WHY are they so happy?! But then I remember that they truly don't know what's going on. They really have no idea. And let's be real, it's not a world tragedy, just something that feels like a tragedy in my own life. 

           During these times of feeling so alone, I so badly want to feel God's presence. I know He is there but really feeling that right now is a struggle. I am angry. Why couldn't this of waited even just two more months? Until after my wedding is over? Why can't my grandpa be there? Why can't my dream come true? Why can't grandpa live to be 100? Why must it end so soon? Why does it have to all happen so fast? That's a lot of questions that will most likely go unanswered. I am sure I will find out someday, but the waiting game is just too much at times.

          It is times like these that I am thankful for friends, family, and of course my wonderful fiance. The people that listen, the people that care, the people that just let me cry. It's during these times that I really appreciate all the moments I was able to have with my grandpa. He lived to be almost 93! That's a long time...filled with a lot of memories. 

        There are so many things I want to say to my grandpa and so many things I want to do with him before he leave this Earth. Right now though, all I can is, " I love you grandpa. I love you as far as the East is from the West. Enjoy being  with grandma, tell her I say hi. I love you grandpa."