T.J.

T.J.-
It's taken me a year to figure this out, but I'm really glad I did. Good things happen in really messed up ways sometimes.
On January 12th, 2009 you went into prison. I was so angry and upset that I couldn't explain it and I really don't know if I'll be able to explain it now, but I'll try. All I could think was "Why would he do this to me? Why would he treat me like this when I've done nothing but everything for him? How could he do this to my family? How could he be so selfish?" and the list of questions continue, but I think you get the point. I never thought we would be that family that was so messed up. With mom being an alcoholic and now you being in prison, I didn't know and didn't want to know what else could go wrong.
You all of the sudden wanted to be a huge part of my life, and I wasn't sure I was ready to let you in. I had NO choice but to be there for you when I was growing up, us being 10 years apart an all, I had to go to all of your stuff. You had a choice to be a part of my life when I was younger, you had the option to stay home or come to one of my school events or a sporting event, you just chose not to. I was so mad at you for not coming to anything. For treating me as if I was nothing. I couldn't believe you seriously expected me to be there for you when you needed it.
Then, on February 18th 2009 you wrote me a letter that I will never forget. In that letter you told me you had found God. That I had lead you to it, watching me go to church on my own, watching me change my life around when I rebuilt my relationship with God, and you said you were ready to do the same. I couldn't have been more proud of you. You showed me then that anything is possible and to never give up on anything.
As time as past I've really been thinking that if you going to prison brought about the BEST thing that can happen your life, so be it. If it took this, in order for you to have a relationship with God, then I'm fine with that. The most important thing to me is your relationship with God and that you've reached this moment in your life. Sure, I miss you. Yes, I wish you were here to experience these new things in my life, but honestly, this is better.
I know right now, you may not see it as I see it, and I hope that at some point in time you will be able to see it similar to this as well. So, my point of good things happen in really bad ways sometimes, is totally true for this situation.

Love you always,
Sam