As I was sitting having coffee with a friend tonight I realized how much people really know about me. Not gonna lie, that scares the crap out of me. I don't know why I hate people knowing my life, but I do. I think it's mostly because I like to put on a mask for people. I like to pretend that everything is okay because if other people don't know that somethings wrong then it's a lot easier for me to push it aside and not deal with it. That way nothing is wrong, that way I don't have to talk about it.

I wish I could start over and have a new slate. I want to go to a place where no one knows anything about me and I can re choose what I tell people. It's not that I hate my life, I just hate how people react to my life. I hate the pity that comes with the stories. I know God can use me for big things through out these situations and He has big plans for me. I just wish other people would see that when I tell them these stories. I don't tell them for the reaction, I tell them to help them grow and see that God can work in amazing ways.