As I heard the news that my grandfather's life is coming to an end, I froze. I had no idea what to do or say. We all expected to him to live to be at least 100, and now, in my mind, his life is ending at least 7 years too soon. Every time I think about it, I bawl like a toddler who just got their toy taken away. When I look around and see that every one else is continuing on with their lives, I can't help but want to scream at them. Don't they know what is going on?! Don't they know that tragedy has struck?! WHY are they so happy?! But then I remember that they truly don't know what's going on. They really have no idea. And let's be real, it's not a world tragedy, just something that feels like a tragedy in my own life.
During these times of feeling so alone, I so badly want to feel God's presence. I know He is there but really feeling that right now is a struggle. I am angry. Why couldn't this of waited even just two more months? Until after my wedding is over? Why can't my grandpa be there? Why can't my dream come true? Why can't grandpa live to be 100? Why must it end so soon? Why does it have to all happen so fast? That's a lot of questions that will most likely go unanswered. I am sure I will find out someday, but the waiting game is just too much at times.
It is times like these that I am thankful for friends, family, and of course my wonderful fiance. The people that listen, the people that care, the people that just let me cry. It's during these times that I really appreciate all the moments I was able to have with my grandpa. He lived to be almost 93! That's a long time...filled with a lot of memories.
There are so many things I want to say to my grandpa and so many things I want to do with him before he leave this Earth. Right now though, all I can is, " I love you grandpa. I love you as far as the East is from the West. Enjoy being with grandma, tell her I say hi. I love you grandpa."
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